Dear mom,

We miss you. Always. Ever since you’re gone, there have been plenty of changes at home. I always feel bad just by thinking about it – we should have done this much when you were around. But we were too blindfolded by our life goals. We strayed away. We’re sorry mom. But now we learned the big lesson. We learned it the hard way. That life is nothing much if we live for ourselves and it means so much more if we live for others. Like you did. You lived for us. You’re the best among us all. T_T

But anyway, let me update you with those changes. As always, your eyes lit up when we told our stories. You’ve always been happy to hear our updates.

KakLong always come around. She helps a lot with the housework. Vacuuming. Washing dishes. Even when Alimah needs more attention, she offers as much help as she possibly can. She has plenty of strength… and that strength she offers to each and everyone of us.

KakNgah helps too. Sometimes, she’d depart to work a bit later to prepare lunch. Abg Ngah has returned from Nibong Tebal after many years with USM. He’s staying with us now… KNgah is very glad.

I hang around a lot more… offering as much help with very little skills that I have. Mostly ideas and support. I just set up the Mac Mini that we wanted to get? Now we can store the photos in there. I’ll slowly scan pictures and archive them. Every now and then, I’d send CB or pick up Ayoh, buy breakfast during weekend and so on. I wish I’m more handy than just that. Intan is very much busy with housemanship and on-calls at the hospital. I’m sure she’d be helping just as much had it not been for those busy times. We always try to be around more to help, but the schedule is challenging.

Muzani & Niza has moved in. Muzani has done a lot. He’s like the construction manager and very much the big man of the house now. Always helping out, providing for others. Niza does plenty of kitchen work too, with the cooking and all.

Alya plays the biggest role so far – she’s like the operations manager. She fills up almost every inch of your role before, mom. She sends Ashbi & Adik to school. She knows the keys to every door, the locations of important stuff, and every bills to the house. She provides support to Adik & Ashbi… worries about their books, their shoes & bags, and whatever they need.

CB returned for 2 weeks the other day. As always, he’s very handy and helpful. He’s such a big guy now, very much more reliable than I am. We can’t wait to have him around more once he completed matriculation.

Ashbi is also very much more helpful than before. Needs summoning a little bit but he always answers. We’re trying to help him with PMR but he doesn’t seem to worry much. I think he knows he can do it too. That’s why he’s learning Japanese diligently – something outside of the subject. Don’t worry mom, I think he can do it.

Adik has grown up more. He’s a good boy. He listens to his KakYa very well. You must be proud of him if you see him today. We’ll help him grow up, mom. We’ll provide for him. Don’t worry.

Dad comes back as often as he can. He calls us a lot more. I wish we know better how to support dad. He reveals very little the difficulty that he’s going through… earlier on he keeps on saying, “Don’t worry about me. But I worry about all of you very much… ” So all we can do is pick ourselves up and not trouble him so much. I’m sure it’s not easy to bring up 8 kids.

Anyway, we can never be as happy as we were before. But we will try. For you… and for ourselves. We know you’ve always wanted us to be happy. So we will… T_T

Thanks for everything, mother. Allah loves you even more…

I hope you’re happy and peaceful at where you are now. I always pray you. In every prayer. I love you, mom. Until later. Take care.

Your beloved son. Zidni.